News in Brief
The Associated Press
February 28, 2208
News
Chinese officials continue to investigate the massive 200 flying autocarplane pileup today on one of China's largest aerial motorways. Tuesday morning's accidents were one of China's largest flying car pileups since 2198 where 34 people lost their lives due to interference in cell phone implants which caused drivers to experience loud buzzing noises in their ears, thus causing them to be disoriented. China's most recent flying autocarplane accident reportedly took place during a period of high smog and debris concentration 150 km West of Beijing, smogoligists said. The high smog concentration reportedly reduced visibilities to a tenth of a kilometer.
Researchers 300 miles off the coast of Pittsburgh, USA found more artifacts of ancient New York City today, pulling up several vehicles that are said to be over 200 years old.
Western Pacific Force Alliance (WPFA) decided to impose new economic sanctions on NATO nations today, as Spanish rebels continue to lay siege on southern parts of Basqueland. The Spanish government has cited they are unable to control the rebels, reporting that they are no match for the rebels' anti-matter blasters which have wreaked havoc through Barcelona as of late. The WPFA has reiterated that the Spanish government are funding the rebels with weapons and water. The rebels continue to act as a protectorate of the beleaguered nation, and analysts say China will have to send in troops to keep the peace.
The Catholic Church's last known member was set on fire today as Coalition Of Evolution special agents discovered the man trying to enter the United States portion of the Intergalactic Space Station with a fake Spaceport. The man, known as Tifoso Lou the 28th, was taken to the fire room in the midst of ecstatic onlookers.
Africa's problem of mutated lions continue to plague the continent as diamond supplies appear to have run dry. Chinese officials state the nations of Africa have defaulted on their agreement to provide a diamond flow to the Asian nation as payments for purchasing Beijingdonium 210. The radioactive element, developed by Chinese scientists in 2185, is the most radioactive element on the periodic table, with an atomic mass of 15,488. The nations of Africa were given the new element as a possible cure for the AIDS virus in 2196. Since then, AIDS cases have fallen 475%, a result the Chinese are certainly pleased with. However, deaths overall on the continent have risen 475% since the implementation of the new element, and that percentage is expected to ncrease in the next decade due to the uncontrollable mutated lion population. Since 2196, Lions have grown to an average height of 10 meters tall, weighing just over 5 tons. Officials state the lions pose no threat to China due to the widening of the Red Sea and subsequent flooding of Eastern Egypt.
Business
Drinking Water reached a new all-time high at the Beijing Commodity Exchange today, closing at 576.53 Euros per barrel. Analysts say that the Organization of the Water Exporting Countries (OWEC) increased fears that supply reserves continue to fall at a rapid rate.
Aloe Leaves finished 1.87% higher today, closing at 28.99 Euros per 10-leaf contract.
In the world currency markets, the US dollar fell 1% today against the Chinese Yuan, with the Yuan/Dollar index closing at 46640.32.
Weather
Asia: Expect normal temperatures to move in today, as high pressure will move in from the Restored Soviet Union, with high temperatures ranging from 50-60 degrees across greater China. Tornado chances today: 1 tornado per 10 square kilometers.
North America: Hurricane warnings are in effect for 28 states, with catagory 7 hurricanes Song-Yi, Shoebox, and Ford Bronco causing the majority of the problems across the United States. Meteorologists are concerned with beach erosion from the Atlantic Ocean in Chicago, IL.
The Associated Press
February 28, 2208
News
Chinese officials continue to investigate the massive 200 flying autocarplane pileup today on one of China's largest aerial motorways. Tuesday morning's accidents were one of China's largest flying car pileups since 2198 where 34 people lost their lives due to interference in cell phone implants which caused drivers to experience loud buzzing noises in their ears, thus causing them to be disoriented. China's most recent flying autocarplane accident reportedly took place during a period of high smog and debris concentration 150 km West of Beijing, smogoligists said. The high smog concentration reportedly reduced visibilities to a tenth of a kilometer.
Researchers 300 miles off the coast of Pittsburgh, USA found more artifacts of ancient New York City today, pulling up several vehicles that are said to be over 200 years old.
Western Pacific Force Alliance (WPFA) decided to impose new economic sanctions on NATO nations today, as Spanish rebels continue to lay siege on southern parts of Basqueland. The Spanish government has cited they are unable to control the rebels, reporting that they are no match for the rebels' anti-matter blasters which have wreaked havoc through Barcelona as of late. The WPFA has reiterated that the Spanish government are funding the rebels with weapons and water. The rebels continue to act as a protectorate of the beleaguered nation, and analysts say China will have to send in troops to keep the peace.
The Catholic Church's last known member was set on fire today as Coalition Of Evolution special agents discovered the man trying to enter the United States portion of the Intergalactic Space Station with a fake Spaceport. The man, known as Tifoso Lou the 28th, was taken to the fire room in the midst of ecstatic onlookers.
Africa's problem of mutated lions continue to plague the continent as diamond supplies appear to have run dry. Chinese officials state the nations of Africa have defaulted on their agreement to provide a diamond flow to the Asian nation as payments for purchasing Beijingdonium 210. The radioactive element, developed by Chinese scientists in 2185, is the most radioactive element on the periodic table, with an atomic mass of 15,488. The nations of Africa were given the new element as a possible cure for the AIDS virus in 2196. Since then, AIDS cases have fallen 475%, a result the Chinese are certainly pleased with. However, deaths overall on the continent have risen 475% since the implementation of the new element, and that percentage is expected to ncrease in the next decade due to the uncontrollable mutated lion population. Since 2196, Lions have grown to an average height of 10 meters tall, weighing just over 5 tons. Officials state the lions pose no threat to China due to the widening of the Red Sea and subsequent flooding of Eastern Egypt.
Business
Drinking Water reached a new all-time high at the Beijing Commodity Exchange today, closing at 576.53 Euros per barrel. Analysts say that the Organization of the Water Exporting Countries (OWEC) increased fears that supply reserves continue to fall at a rapid rate.
Aloe Leaves finished 1.87% higher today, closing at 28.99 Euros per 10-leaf contract.
In the world currency markets, the US dollar fell 1% today against the Chinese Yuan, with the Yuan/Dollar index closing at 46640.32.
Weather
Asia: Expect normal temperatures to move in today, as high pressure will move in from the Restored Soviet Union, with high temperatures ranging from 50-60 degrees across greater China. Tornado chances today: 1 tornado per 10 square kilometers.
North America: Hurricane warnings are in effect for 28 states, with catagory 7 hurricanes Song-Yi, Shoebox, and Ford Bronco causing the majority of the problems across the United States. Meteorologists are concerned with beach erosion from the Atlantic Ocean in Chicago, IL.
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