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Go screw yourself.

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And...

Actually, one of the best ways to learn any language like that is to just work in a restaurant. If you were to work as a bus boy or a waiter or a dishwasher in any true Italian restaurant, you would be surprised at how fast you picked up most of the basics.