The only reason I posted a reply is because I didn't want the two minutes of my life I spent reading the first post of this thread to be a complete waste. If we had been friends in real life and you would have bored me with this, I would have given you a condom and kicked you out the door :lazy:
Jesus, provided this is all true and you're not taking the piss, it's just sex ffs! Have a shag already then put your clothes back on, have a cigarette, crack open a beer and take the car for a spin already.