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Marca source, who's the brother in law of As source, told our source that we should look for some sources from Argentina. That's how I ended up looking for some Gonzalo's friends. We flew all the way to Buenos Aires hoping for some information regarding his possible departure to Juventus. I made an account on Facebook to see Gonzalo's friends list.
After I picked up few names, I had to pay 50 euros to local police chief, Osvaldo, to give me their address. Had to wait for a few hours because they're still on Windows 95.
Sadly, I haven't found anyone, ended up in some abandoned warehouses.
But, I met one guy, Daneb, who was lifting weights in the park and watched kids having fun. I approached him and asked: Do you know Gonzalo Higuain? He got mad and started screaming: Boca! Boca! Then those kids grabbed machetes from their bags and I had to run for my life.
Took a room in a hotel with 56k internet connection. I had to continue my research. Went on chat and started talking about football with some local lads. Asked them how would Higuain fit into 3-5-2 formation. After 10 minutes of silence, one guy finally spoke. He said: There is some guy... from Scotland... you have to ask him... I was curious! Who is that guy?!
So, I went to Scotland to meet that fella. His name is Andy, but he prefers to be called "Red". He said: "You know, Stevan Jovetic would be a better fit, I just can't see Gonzalo and Fernando working together, it doesn't make sense at all!". I agreed to that 100%, but still wanted to know one more thing: Is he coming or not?! I can't go back without any news. He said: "you have to ask transfer gurus on Juventuz.org".
I started browsing forums, trying to find some valuable informations. I sent some cheeky PM to a guy called Osman. He replied with a "Didn't read LOL" gif. 10 minutes after, I got PM from a guy called Bisco. I was so excited. Thought to myself: finally, some Gonzalo news. But, he asked me: Do I have a donkey picture with Motta's head on it. I said no, but he was kind enough to send me some porn link.
After 3 hours of quality porns, I decided to book a plane to Madrid and ask Gonzalo himself. I was in my car for 3 days, waiting for him to come. He arrived with Arbeloa, but I didn't wanted to talk with him in front of overrated full back, so I asked him nicely to move the fuck back and leave me alone with Gonzalo. Moment of truth: Gonzalo, are you coming to Juve or not? He said: I don't know, I'm following Mark on Twitter to find out myself. Oh, fuck me.