Amauri Makes Italian Blood Boil (1 Viewer)

Bjerknes

"Top Economist"
Mar 16, 2004
111,309
#1
Amauri Makes Italian Blood Boil
Football Italia
August 29, 2009

Italians from Milan to New York are facing health concerns after Brazilian striker Carvalho Amauri gained Italian citizenship today. According to Surgeon General Emilio Emilio Masterbatsi, the news event is causing hyperventilating and an acute infection of the blood stream called Al Forno Disease.

"This is a very strange and dire situation", said Masterbatsi. "The strange thing about this disease is it only affects Italians and those who have some psychological attraction to the Italian national team. I've talked to doctors from Libya to Saudi Arabia, and they are seeing just as many cases as we are in Italy."

Hospitals are struggling to cope with the mass influx of patients who have succumb to the disease, and a national emergency is rumored to be declared if Amauri accepts a call up to the national team.

"We're fucking dying over here!" yelled one Italian at the San Garbino hospital in Milan. "This guy Amauri is killing our livelihood, destroying everything we stand for, even our blood. This torment is worse than the Holocaust. Please, help us!"

"Al Forno disease causes inflammation of the blood stream due to the boiling blood that is sparked by tension in the nervous system", said Masterbatsi. "In some cases, the pressure on the blood stream is so intense that it causes the rupture of the head and brain."

Silvio Berlusconi has called upon all Italians to conserve pizza and marinara sauce in wake of this natural disaster.

"Times like these call for all citizens to conserve sauces and secure our blood so that our future generations can perspire. I mean prosper." said Berlusconi. "Amauri has been added to the terrorist watch list and is currently being sought out by special forces led by Mario and Luigi."

According to reports, Al Forno's disease has caused the deaths of millions, including thousands in Saudi Arabia. The bloodline of the Italian race is in jeopardy.

http://www.football-italia.net/
 

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L'autista
Administrator
Sep 23, 2003
83,368
#10
:lol:

Except the reality is even funnier. There's less Italian blood boiling over this. Worse, people who aren't even Italian are boiling the most.
 
OP
Bjerknes

Bjerknes

"Top Economist"
Mar 16, 2004
111,309
  • Thread Starter
  • Thread Starter #17
    Remain calm, people. This disease will pass soon. Just keep chugging that pizza sauce.
     

    JCK

    Biased
    JCK
    May 11, 2004
    123,223
    #18
    Experts say that some, but very few, will feel much better once he scores a goal from the national team.
     

    Ali

    Conditioned
    Contributor
    Jul 15, 2002
    19,052
    #19
    Experts say that some, but very few, will feel much better once he scores a goal from the national team.
    That also depends on which body part he scores with added the experts cautiously.

    Newsflash.
    Late last night came news that the virus could mutate & those who's fathers & mothers are not doctors have been placed on the extremely high risk group. It is also believed that Gattuso suffered a fatal attack last night.
     

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