Ten Greatest Arnold Schwarzenegger Post-Mortem One Liners (1 Viewer)

AbuGadanzieri

Senior Member
Jan 8, 2006
1,465
#1
http://vapidmedia.com/2007/film/ten-greatest-arnold-schwarzenegger-post-mortem-one-liners

Ten Greatest Arnold Schwarzenegger Post-Mortem One Liners
May 27, 2007

Few genres of film are as unintentionally hilarious as 1980s/early 90s action films, and this humor is best epitomised by Arnold Schwarzenegger. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge Arnold fan, but few people on film have shown such a pithy disdain for human life as the current Governor of California. It seems that every character Arnold ever played not only enjoyed killing, but also the subsequent post-mortem one liner that went with it. Distilling two decades of celluloid gold into a top ten list was difficult, but without further ado VapidMedia.com proudly presents…

The Top Ten Greatest Arnold Schwarzenegger Post-Mortem One Liners
Number 10
The Film: Commando
The Situation: Arnold’s character, John Matrix, is dangling some guy named Sully over a cliff in order to obtain information from him. Earlier in the film, Sully had cracked a joke, which Matrix found humorous and thus promised to kill him last.
The Line:
John Matrix: Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?
Sully: That’s right, Matrix. You did.
Matrix: I lied.
On Youtube:
This line is so awesome it would be much higher than 10 on the list if it wasn’t for the fact that technically it’s a pre-mortem one-liner. And not really one line at all. But anyone who is bad-ass enough to be able to promise to someone when he is going to kill them- and then have the gumption to break that promise - is going to make this list. What’s also funny is how Sully clings to the promise despite dangling upside down over a cliff and despite knowing that even if he is not killed at that moment, it’s only a matter of time anyway.

There actually is a post-mortem one liner here- after Matrix drops Sully, his female acquaintance asks where Sully went. Matrix says “I had to let him go.” A pre- and post-mortem one liner, what more could you want?

Number 9
The Film: True Lies
The Situation: Arnold’s character, Harry Tasker, has just enjoyed a gunfight in a men’s room with a terrorist. Walking up to the prone body, Harry flushes its head in a urinal.
The Line:
Harry Tasker: Cool off.
On Youtube:
There are times when you really want to humiliate a foe, and there’s nothing more humiliating than having your head flushed in a toilet. Just the act alone would probably count as an awesome post-mortem one-liner, but Arnold aims to extract the maximum pleasure from a violent act so he also throws in “Cool off”. It’s almost an afterthought, but we’re all better off because of it.

Number 8
The Film: Predator
The Situation: Dutch, like Madonna and Cher, only needs one name. Whilst laying waste to an enemy camp he sticks a knife into a guys chest, pinning him to a wall.
The Line:
Dutch: Stick around.
On Youtube:
Predator is easily Schwarzenegger’s best movie, and, incredibly from such a small cast, stars two future governors of US states. However, even though this is a more serious movie than Arnold’s usual cheese-fests, there is still time for a one liner to celebrate another man’s destruction.

Number 7
The Film: Eraser
The Situation: John “The Eraser” Kruger has trapped three bad guys- Daniel Harper, Robert Deguerin, and Morehart- in a limousine. He then arranges for said limousine to be hit by a train.
The Line:
Lee Cullen: What happened?
John Kruger: They caught a train.
On Youtube:
This seems like a rather unfair way to dispose of your enemies. Unfair on the train driver that is, who is doomed to live the rest of his life replaying this horrific experience in his head. Kruger doesn’t care, however, enjoying the moment and entertaining his lady friend with a typically irreverent play on words.

Number 6
The Film: Commando
The Situation: Matrix has been given a guard to sit next to him on a flight in order to ensure he cannot escape. Matrix kills him.
The Line:
Matrix [to flight attendant]: Don’t disturb my friend, he’s dead tired.
On Youtube:
The reason this makes the list is that even though Arnold is trying to hide the fact that he has killed someone from the flight attendant, he still wants to entertain and therefore risks exposing his crime in order to make a humorous dig at the corpse next to him. This line is verging on pantomime territory with its clear wink at the audience, but it’s still awesome.

Number 5
The Film: Total Recall
The Situation: Douglas and Lori are enjoying some time together. After the sweet talk becomes not so sweet, violence is imminent.
The Line:
Lori: Doug. Honey… you wouldn’t hurt me, would you, sweet heart? Sweet heart, be reasonable. After all, we’re married!
[Lori goes for her gun, Quaid shoots her]
Douglas Quaid: Consider that a divorce.
On Youtube:
Like most action stars, Schwarzenegger had an equal opportunity policy when it came to who he was willing to shoot at, so having to kill a woman did not diminish his ability to mark the occasion with a relevant one liner. You just know the scriptwriter really enjoyed writing this one, delivering a fantasy most married men in the audience would enjoy. Or maybe I’m reading too much into this.

Number 4
The Film: Commando
The Situation: Matrix has just laid waste to an entire island of enemies. As always in movies, the army turns up a little too late to help out, and a General comes up to Matrix and they share words.
The Line:
General Kirby: Leave anything for us?
Matrix: Just bodies.
On Youtube: No.

Commando is one of the most violent films ever made, with around 100 deaths occurring in just a 5 minute period. Not one of these deaths seems to cause Matrix even the slightest bit of concern, and that lack of remorse is summed up beautifully in this exchange here. Matrix is completely unfazed by the destruction he’s caused, and the General just seems upset that he missed out on also bloodying his hands. After this emotionless conversation, Matrix just leaves, with no questions asked about his vigilante mission.

Number 3
The Film: Eraser
The Situation: Kruger has just killed an alligator that can only be described as the worst CGI animated creature ever to feature in a big-budget film.
The Line:
John: You’re luggage!
On Youtube:
Not content with tormenting dead humans, Schwarzenegger shows his fundamental lack of respect for all living things by mocking a dead alligator with this one-liner. PETA would not approve, but I sure do. Hilarious.

Number 2
The Film: Commando
The Situation: Matrix has just killed his nemesis Bennett by impaling the man on a pipe that’s rapidly exhaling steam.
The Line:
Matrix: Let off some steam, Bennett.
On Youtube:
This makes the list more because Bennett is simply the least intimidating nemesis ever to grace a movie than any inherent greatness in the line, which is merely a Schwarzenegger standard. Even Sub-Zero looked like he could kill you; Bennett just looks like he’d try to recruit you to a Village People tribute band. His outfit is ludicrous (chain mail?), he’s clearly out of shape, and his moustache is almost as laughable as his dialogue (“John, I’m not going to shoot you between the eyes. I’m going to shoot you between the balls”). For the pure ludicrousness of the character, “Let off some steam, Bennett” is a catchphrase for eternity.

Number 1
The Film: The Running Man
The Situation: Ben Richards, forced to play a deadly reality show in the future, is facing an enemy known as Sub-Zero. Sub-Zero wears ice-skates and uses a hockey stick as a weapon, which raises the question of just how dangerous he would be if Ben Richards simply stayed off an ice-rink. Richards doesn’t worry about that though and strangles Sub-Zero with barbed-wire. Richards enjoys this killing by hamming it up for the television audience.
The Line:
Ben Richards: Here is Sub-Zero, now plain zero!
On Youtube:
The Running man is in many ways the only Schwarzenegger film with any depth, being a rather prescient satire, yet it is also probably his most cheesy. It’s like the producers weren’t sure if they wanted serious political content or cheesy violent action, and so what they ended up with one the funniest movies of all time. Sub-Zero personifies this cheesy humor in that he is one of the most ridiculous enemies ever, which is part of what makes this Arnold’s greatest one liner. The other part is that of all the Schwarzenegger one liners that rely on a play on words, this is easily the greatest. It just sums up everything about not only The Running Man but also Schwarzenegger’s entire action film career: a cheesy celebration of other people’s violent ends. Even if Sub-Zero was still alive, there’s just no comeback to “Now plain zero”. He’s done.

Conclusion
As always in a top ten, there are some lines that were unlucky to make the cut- both The Running Man and Commando could easily provide a top ten alone. There were also some one-liners which were not post-mortem but are still hilarious, such as “I’d like to see you eat that contract, but I hope you leave enough room for my fist because I’m going to ram it into your stomach and break your god-damn spine!” from The Running Man. But this list provides a good overview of Schwarzenegger’s range.

Are there any I missed out on?

What you think

please discuss
 

Buy on AliExpress.com

Maher

Juventuz addict
Dec 16, 2002
13,521
#9
his best film IMO is Terminator 2 (judgement day)
the best line is
Douglas Quaid: Consider that a divorce (total recall)
 

Boudz

Mercato Tourist
Aug 1, 2002
2,607
#10
hahahaahhaahaha hilarious stuff, you gotta love Arnold. who can make you cry of laughter and fear at the same time? Chuck Norris is a close second
 

3pac

Alex Del Mexico
May 7, 2004
7,206
#14
ßömßäяdîëя;1367429 said:
Chuck Norris would eat Arnold for breakfast.
does chuck norris occupy the position of california state gangsta?


No, he doesn't.

Point made.
 

Seven

In bocca al lupo, Fabio.
Jun 25, 2003
38,179
#17
does chuck norris occupy the position of california state gangsta?


No, he doesn't.

Point made.
I did hear a great quote about Chuck the other day:

Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
 

3pac

Alex Del Mexico
May 7, 2004
7,206
#18
:lol:

Ever since the outbreak of all the Chuck Norris jokes, it's infiltrated every corner of our society. In 4 of my classes this year the teachers spent more than an hour total looking up and reading Chuck Norris quotes to the class.
 

Users Who Are Viewing This Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 1)